Forgiveness in Marriage

John M. Gottman said,

“When you forgive your spouse, you both benefit.”

I’ve found that each time I’ve been able to forgive my husband or he’s been able to forgive me, our relationship is strengthened. Forgiveness definitely isn’t easy, but it is worth it.

If you don’t exercise forgiveness in your marriage then you won’t be able to fully trust each other and do what is necessary to strengthen your marriage.

James E. Faust said,

“We need to forgive to be forgiven.”

I asked my husband why he thought forgiveness was so vital to a strong marriage, and he said,

“Marriage always has its ups and downs and there is no such thing as a perfect marriage so you need to be able to forgive them. You’re with them forever so you can’t let those things get in the way; you need to let go.”

My brother-in-law added,

“When you hold a grudge you start to focus on the negative things in a marriage and it starts to go downhill.”

I know this all to be true.

Since I’m not perfect, there have been many times in my marriage when I’ve needed to ask forgiveness of my husband. One experience in particular comes to mind, but for privacy reasons I won’t get too much into the details. In short, I wasn't truthful with my husband about something because I was embarrassed. I was afraid that if he knew the truth then he'd think negatively of me. Eventually, the truth came out and I was left wishing I'd told him the complete truth from the very beginning. It took some time but everything was able to be worked out in the end. The important thing I learned from my experience was that I not only needed forgiveness from my husband, but I also needed to forgive myself. Oddly enough, I’ve oftentimes found it more difficult for me to forgive myself than to forgive other people or for other people to forgive me.

Gottman also said,

“Bitterness is a heavy burden.”

Holding onto things that are best forgotten only creates pain and heartache for both you and the offender.

If there’s something that you’ve been holding onto for a while then now is the time to let it go. Forgive your spouse. Love them. Cherish them. Show them how much they mean to you. Don’t let any more time go by with you holding a grudge against your spouse.